Sleep-deprivation and maternal mental health
If you’re reading this, chances are you’re in the thick of those sleepless nights and bleary-eyed mornings. As a mum, you’re doing everything you can to care for your baby, but when sleep is in short supply, it can take a serious toll on your own well-being. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and even isolated when you’re running on empty.
You’re not alone in this. Many mums go through this challenging time, and while you can’t always control your baby’s sleep, you can take steps to look after your own mental health. In this post, I’ll share simple, practical tips that can help you feel a bit more like yourself again, even during those tough sleep-deprived days.
1. Prioritise rest when you can (but let go of perfection)
When your baby isn’t sleeping well, the advice to "sleep when the baby sleeps" might seem impossible. But rest doesn’t always have to mean sleep, and even short moments of relaxation can make a difference:
Focus on rest, not just sleep. If you can’t nap while your baby naps, try closing your eyes for 10 minutes, lying down with a calming podcast, or simply doing some deep breathing. It’s okay if the dishes aren’t done or if you haven’t folded the laundry—prioritising your well-being matters more.
Let go of perfection. During this season, give yourself permission to lower your standards a bit. It’s okay if things aren’t perfect; your home doesn’t need to look like a magazine spread right now. Embrace “good enough” and focus on getting through each day.
A few minutes of rest can recharge your mind and body, helping you handle the next challenge with a bit more patience.
2. Ask for help - and accept it
You’re not supposed to do this alone. But as a mum, it can be hard to ask for help, especially if you feel like you should be able to handle everything yourself. Here’s why leaning on others is so important:
Reach out to family and friends. If you have a partner, ask them to take over baby duty for a couple of hours so you can nap or take a long shower. If family or friends offer to help, don’t be afraid to say yes. Sometimes, just having someone come over for a chat or to watch your baby while you take a breather can make a world of difference.
Consider a babysitter or postpartum doula. If it’s within your means, hiring a sitter or a postpartum doula for a few hours a week can give you a much-needed break. Use that time to do something just for yourself, whether it’s a nap, a walk, or catching up with a friend.
Join a support group. Connecting with other mums who are going through similar challenges can help you feel less isolated. Local mum groups or online communities can be great places to share your struggles and get encouragement.
Remember, asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness - it’s a way to make sure you’re in the best shape to care for your little one.
3. Take mini-moments of self-care
Self-care doesn’t have to mean a spa day or hours of free time (though wouldn’t that be nice?). When your baby isn’t sleeping well, self-care looks a little different:
Breathe deeply. When you feel overwhelmed, take a few deep breaths. Breathe in for a count of four, hold for four, and exhale for four. Repeat this a few times to calm your mind and lower your stress levels.
Hydrate and eat nourishing snacks. It’s easy to forget to eat or drink when you’re focused on your baby’s needs. Keep a water bottle nearby and stock up on easy-to-grab snacks like nuts, yoghurt, or fruit. Staying hydrated and eating small, healthy snacks throughout the day can help keep your energy up.
Find small joys. Whether it’s a hot cup of coffee in the morning, a quick walk in the fresh air, or five minutes to read a chapter of a book, find little things that make you happy. These mini-moments can lift your mood and make the day feel a bit brighter.
These small acts of self-care can help you feel more balanced, even when the days are long and the nights are longer.
4. Give yourself grace and compassion
It’s easy to feel guilty when your baby isn’t sleeping well. You might find yourself wondering if you’re doing something wrong or if there’s a magic trick you haven’t discovered yet. But here’s the truth: you’re doing an amazing job, even if it doesn’t always feel that way.
Acknowledge your feelings. It’s okay to feel frustrated, tired, and even resentful at times. Recognise those emotions without judging yourself. It’s normal to feel a range of emotions when you’re sleep-deprived and stressed.
Focus on the big picture. Try to remind yourself that this phase won’t last forever. Your baby’s sleep will improve over time, and you’ll get through this. In the meantime, give yourself credit for all the small victories, like making it through another night or getting your baby to take a nap.
Talk to yourself like you’d talk to a friend. If your best friend was in your situation, you’d probably reassure her and remind her how strong she is. Give yourself that same kindness. You’re not alone in this, and you’re doing the best you can.
5. Don’t be afraid to seek professional support
Sleep deprivation can lead to feelings of anxiety, depression, or being constantly overwhelmed. If you find yourself struggling to cope, it’s important to reach out for professional help:
Talk to your GP or a mental health professional. They can help you navigate feelings of anxiety or depression and may suggest therapy, medication, or other strategies to support your mental health.
Consider working with a baby sleep consultant. If sleep challenges with your baby are making life particularly difficult, a sleep consultant can provide guidance and create a plan tailored to your baby’s needs. This support can make a huge difference in improving both your baby’s sleep and your own mental well-being.
Seeking professional support is a sign of strength, and it can be a crucial step toward feeling better.
Final Thoughts: You Deserve to Feel Supported and Valued
Caring for a baby who isn’t sleeping well is one of the hardest things a mum can go through. But while you’re taking care of your baby, don’t forget to take care of yourself, too. Your well-being matters, and making time for self-care isn’t selfish - it’s essential.
You’re not alone on this journey, and there’s no shame in asking for help when you need it. Remember, you’re doing an incredible job, and this challenging phase won’t last forever. With a little extra support, rest, and kindness toward yourself, you’ll get through this.
You’ve got this, mama. Hang in there, and don’t forget to take care of you.